Aloe there! Welcome to my page of plant puns. Here are my favorite gardening wordplay jokes and other plant-based pun-iness.
- Botany plants lately?
- I beg your garden!?
- Someone has been adding soil to my garden. The plot thickens.
- I’m sexy and I grow it.
- Cleaning my cold frame is a pane in the glass.
- I’m very frond of you.
- I wet my plants.
- Scarecrows are always garden their patch.
- Ok, bloomer.
- She didn’t date the gardener. He was too rough around the hedges.
- I feel sorry for wheelbarrows. They’re always getting pushed around.
- My fear of roses is a thorny issue. I’m not sure what it stems from but I’m stuck with it.
- I killed a hundred weeds today! No, you only killed 98 weeds. Geez, sorry, I round-up.
- Do you have the thyme? I need to get somewhere around tree o’clock.
- Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
- Many gardeners suffer from hay fever. Isn’t that news a pollen?
- Garden centers are attempting to stem a fall in the sale of fresh flowers.
- I started dating the girl across the street. Honestly, lawn-distance relationships aren’t that hard.
- Walking barefoot is good for the sole.
- My leaf blower doesn’t work. It just sucks!
- So fresh and so green (green).
- I’m rooting for you!
- I’ll never leaf you.
- Leaf me alone.
- You grow girl!
- Pot it like it’s hot.
- Wood you be mine?
- You’re unbeleafable.
- Let me plant one on ya!
- Support plant parenthood.
- Let’s take a leaf of faith.
- Plant a kiss on me.
Herb garden puns
- Do you need some encourage-mint?
- It’s party thyme.
- Good chives only.
- I’m kind of a big dill.
- Thistle be the best day ever.
- Chive never met anyone quite like you.
- I hate when bay leaves.
- Chive loved you for so long.
- We’re mint to be.
- Long thyme no see.
Plant puns that start with a question
- What do you call an everyday potato? A commen-tater.
- How much room should you give fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible.
- How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
- What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing, but it let out a little wine.
- Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.
- What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.
- Why did the lettuce close its eyes? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
- When does a farmer dance? When he drops the beet.
- What did the watermelon say to the cantaloupe? You’re one in a melon
- Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
- Why did the apricot ask a prune to dinner? Because he couldn’t find a date.
- How are you doing zucchini? I’m vine, thanks for asking.
- What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybee.
- Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
- What did one plant say to another? What’s ta-ma-ta?
- How do trees get online? They just log in.
Fruit & vegetable puns
- Fennel I see you again?
- You make my heart skip a beet.
- I got arrested at the Farmers Market. I was disturbing the peas.
- I love you from my head to-ma-toes.
- Everyone romaine calm.
- It’s a little bit rad, but not totally rad. It’s only rad-ish.
- Speak now or forever hold your peas.
- Can you pick up the groceries? I haven’t botany.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- The raisin wined about how he couldn’t achieve grapeness.
- Don’t kale my vibe.
- If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.
- Lettuce do our best.
- Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realize that.
- Oh my gourd, that is funny.
- I’m a succa for puns.
- Aloe you vera much.
- Not dead yet succa.
- Succulents are plant-tastic.
- Sup succa.
- Life would succ without you.
- Say aloe to my little friend.
- You’re looking sharp.
- Pretty fly for a cacti.
- I’m glad I pricked you.
- Hope your birthday is on point.
- You prickle my fancy.
- I’m ready to take it from “cacti” to “cactus.”
- I’ll never desert you.
- You’re stuck with me.
- Cactus makes perfect.
- I’m so glad we pricked each other.
- We make a prickly pear.
- Let’s stick together.
And because plant puns are way more fun when you actually say them out loud (and because I’m a crazy plant lady), I threw a few ridiculous plant puns into one of my YouTube videos too:
Garden pest puns
- I got into a fight with a snail. It was a real slug-fest.
- You know what really bugs me? Insect puns.
- Did you hear about the squirrel diet? It’s nuts!
- Schwarzenegger retired from TV to kill bugs. Now he’s an ex-terminator.
- A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
- I got a job working in a hayfield. After one day I bailed.
- Our farm is haunted by chickens. You could say that we have a poultry-geist problem.
- I had a job drilling holes for water. It was well boring.
- Why shouldn’t you tell a secret on a farm? Because the corn has ears.
- A chicken farmer’s favourite car is a coupe.
- The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
- The scarecrow get promoted. He was outstanding in his field.
- I put up an electric fence around my field last weekend. My neighbor is dead against it.
- Thank goodness spring is finally here! The trees are re-leaved.
- Can February March? No, but April May.
- What do you mean June is over? Julying.
Halloween pumpkin puns
- Let’s give them pumpkin’ to talk about.
- “Cut it out!” said the Jack-o-Lantern.
- My Jack-o-Lantern is wider than yours. It’s as simple as pumpkin pi.
- I’m always smiling, but inside I feel hollow.
- Scarecrows are always out garden their patch.
Thank you everyone for sharing these hilarious plant jokes! When I started writing this page I thought we would collect a solid 15 plant puns on it. Now there are 105 plant puns here. Let the bad puns keep rolling on in…
PS: I’m still working on figuring X out…
***hugs and kisses***
Come on…have a little pun!